the new ultraphone 7 is sleek, sexy, and slender. it's got a gorgeous glass finish that would make anyone fall in love at first sight. an adorable USB-C port sits at the bottom of the device. the top right houses an incredibly fuckable headphone jack


why did we start referring to technology as "sexy"? sexy is a word that means something has sex appeal. i mean, if you want to fuck a macbook, that's great, but keep it out of the review

yeah, this laptop runs well, and it's got a really solid build, but... is it sexy? i wouldn't buy it if it wasn't sexy

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@lynnesbian I think people just adapted "sex" as like the highest tier of something looking good with or without sex appeal.

@lynnesbian how am i supposed to review something without letting everyone know i wanna fuck it

@lynnesbian they dont have lopunny in them, so i disagree

@lynnesbian i wanna make it clear that im not making fun of you, you have good taste in pokemon

@lynnesbian i tried to not sound sarcastic there but im not sure i did that very well. i was being serious im not making fun of you

@Bisexuhell @lynnesbian tired: "this phone has really good features for its price!"

Wired: "Yo, this phone can FUCK"

@lynnesbian do my laptop got big anime tiddies? its imperative that i know

@lynnesbian *At best buy staring at the newest alienware* "OK, but can I fuck it?"

@moth alienwares got all them sharp aggressive edges so I'd be careful and bring some sandpaper

@HTHR @moth @lynnesbian I still can't believe that that quote got used in an Actual Talk at an Actual Academic AI Conference.

@gaditb @moth @lynnesbian the truth is that everyone who speaks at a conference is a fucking nerd

three things:
1. it's gotta be slender
2. the screen has to have curves.
3. i am a straight man and i will NOT stop reminding you of that

@moth i like a gi-- uh a laptop with no bezels. i want my laptops to be as thin as possible. i want to interface with my laptop. i want the laptop to get nice and warm so i can hold it close to my chest and fall asleep watching ASMR girlfriend simulation videos

@moth @lynnesbian i would say this post makes me hate all the men in tech and tech writing but seeing as i already did it's redundant to say so

@lynnesbian @moth ur not a straight man tho!! o:

u are the lynnesbian !!!!!!!

@moth I like my laptops to have curves AND fashion sense sorry if this offends

@lynnesbian I saw slimmest and misread it as slimiest and that's how I know I've been spending too mich time on here

lewd, nsfw, weird fake tech 

lewd, nsfw, weird fake tech 

lewd, nsfw, weird fake tech 

@lynnesbian there's a joke among the automotive community where they refer to anyone fucking their cars as "dragoning" I wonder what it's called in the tech sector

@lynnesbian I think you're missing the "two people" part as well 👀

@lynnesbian LISTEN, LYNNE, the reviewer just really wants to fuck a laptop and you know what? that's fucking valid

@lynnesbian Who writes stuff like that with a straight face???

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