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girl: trying blue lipstick today
thirty year old cis white male .social user: Oh, um... That's certainly interesting! I definitely prefer red lipstick, though. When a woman is aroused, her lips flush red, so red lipstick is a great aide in making you appear fertile.

i know this is a strawman that i invented but reading this makes me want to put on my blue lipstick

girl: just got out of the shower
man: Ahhh the scent of a freshly cleaned woman... I knew it well before Debra left me

@lynnesbian

*Straps men like that onto a rocket and launches them into the sun* :blobcatcoffee:

@lynnesbian

me: sees all of this and just fucking stares while doing my best not to rupture too many organs due to restraining infernal laughter. awkward infernal laughter.

@lynnesbian

Blue lipstick is amazing, you should rock it.

@lynnesbian ive had someone say this to me almost verbatim at work once

@MegaLobsterFace consider moving to a different planet to get away from this person

@lynnesbian seriously, though, i wasnt even wearing a weird color, iirc i wasnt wearing lipstick at all, dude just unprompted told me i should wear red more bc it makes girls look turned on

anyway that dude was a regular and i came in for a week after that w/ black lipstick

@lynnesbian i think if someone tries to come up w/ an extreme edge-case to demonstrate a point and someone can come forward w/ that exact scenario having happened to them, everyone involved should win a free pizza

@lynnesbian oh um, that's certainly interesting! i definitely prefer eybrowns tho

when a woman is aroused, her eybrowns sweat, so having eybrowns is a great aide in making you appear fertile

@lynnesbian I like how the man in this joke is literally just Jordan Peterson, please allow me to explain your joke more to you (1/?)

@foggy i actually was referencing JP and i'm glad you noticed ;p

@lynnesbian it's the only thing I ever read him say before tuning out and making fun of him forever

blood 

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