"i use linux as my operating system," i state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. he swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision.
"actually," he says with a grin, "linux is just the kernel. you use GNU+linux."
i don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "i use alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU coreutils, or any other GNU code. it's linux, but it's not GNU+linux."
the smile quickly drops from the man's face. his body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth as he drop to the floor with a sickly thud. as he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!"
coolly, i reply "if windows was compiled with gcc, would that make it GNU?" i interrupt his response with "and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. even if you were correct, you won't be for long."
with a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. he lies on the floor, cold and limp. i've womansplained him to death.
this post is more than double mastodon's default 500 character limit, and about fifty chars over pleroma's 1024 limit. if you wish to copy my shitpost you need an instance with custom character limits 
if i posted this on twitter i'd have to split it across six posts oof
i don't even use alpine lmao
way too many serious replies to this
if you boosted this without properly understanding it i have ONE thing to say to you: you're valid and i love you
@lynnesbian this is something beautiful
srsly they had the GNU+linux conversation on work slack :/
@lynnesbian ha, haha, look at me reusing your post for profit by boosting it
An action I can take even though my instance has a 512 limit
Foiled again lynne
O wait I don’t profit from boosting good posts, the creator does
Foiled again by lynne
@lynnesbian hey I wonder if I can post planepacked...
@lynnesbian Post it as an image 🤡
@marsxyz is it? i thought the default was 1024, a lot of instances have it set to that
@lynnesbian I am happy that shitpost licensing is a thing
@lynnesbian Can I pay you for an exclusive commercial license to reshitpost it?
@lynnesbian this is the plot of an Asimov novel?
@lynnesbian Alpine doesn't have any GNU utils?! I knew it used muscl, but it doesn't use the GNU file-utils?
@lynnesbian Can't the kernel be built with clang now?
@lynnesbian I feel like this story just works with anyone vs Stallman (or RMS-believer). I'm getting tired of the entire man/woman-splaining thing. There are know-it-alls who talk down to everyone around them, and it doesn't really matter if they're a woman or a man. Talking down to people is shitty.
I mean I know it's just a story/satire/joke and I shouldn't care, but I dunno ... term still doesn't sit right with me .. but hey, I learned something about Alpine ^_^
@lynnesbian gosh im gay
@lynnesbian Richard Stallman deliberately named his system something dumb as a joke about how dumb it sounded, and then got all mad when people didn't want to use his dumb name. Friggin' foresight, dude...
yeah, why would you name your project after some random large mammal?
~ sent from my Mastodon account
@lynnesbian Fuckin SMASHIN that boost button
@lynnesbian lynne this is fucking incredible
@007 my best work is always the stuff it pains me to write
@lynnesbian I wish I could’ve seen that tbh
@lynnesbian And the girl's name was Albert Einstein!
@rick_777 @lynnesbian it’s true I was the desk chair
@lynnesbian I would pay pay-per-view boxing money to see this happen IRL.
@lynnesbian I need to put on some weight so I can tattoo this post on my ass
@lynnesbian this is it, the best toot of 2019
@lynnesbian Windows 3.1/Linux
@lynnesbian 😂 👍 very good.
ehm.. ma'am...
what's the license of your kernel?
I can't recall it, really...
🤣
(great write up, but... 😉)
@lynnesbian ok this is the best one yet
@lynnesbian I want a signed copy of this for my wall.
@lynnesbian just saw this and holy shit
@benaiah yeah that's the general consensus
"It uses neither core utils, GCC or other GNU code...":
On more serious note --- is apine usable as a "desktop" distribution?
@jacek i don't think it's ready for that yet no
I have just read that https://postmarketos.org/blog/2019/01/16/600-days-of-postmarketOS/ (linux OS for old phones) is based on Alpine (it's not very usable yet, but still!)
@lynnesbian And everyone clapped
@lynnesbian Perhaps both could have avoided this unnecessary flamed discussion by first stating the full name of the system distribution.
@baronnarcveldt i think this is the most Numbers™ i've ever gotten on a single post
@lynnesbian @baronnarcveldt when you publish your collection of microfiction, put me in the compilation
i license this shitpost as CC4-BY-NC-SA. you cannot use it to profit from or in any commercial work, you must attribute me if it is used by you, and other shitposts using it must adhere to the same license