"i use linux as my operating system," i state proudly to the unkempt, bearded man. he swivels around in his desk chair with a devilish gleam in his eyes, ready to mansplain with extreme precision.
"actually," he says with a grin, "linux is just the kernel. you use GNU+linux."
i don't miss a beat and reply with a smirk, "i use alpine, a distro that doesn't include the GNU coreutils, or any other GNU code. it's linux, but it's not GNU+linux."
the smile quickly drops from the man's face. his body begins convulsing and he foams at the mouth as he drop to the floor with a sickly thud. as he writhes around he screams "I-IT WAS COMPILED WITH GCC! THAT MEANS IT'S STILL GNU!"
coolly, i reply "if windows was compiled with gcc, would that make it GNU?" i interrupt his response with "and work is being made on the kernel to make it more compiler-agnostic. even if you were correct, you won't be for long."
with a sickly wheeze, the last of the man's life is ejected from his body. he lies on the floor, cold and limp. i've womansplained him to death.
this post is more than double mastodon's default 500 character limit, and about fifty chars over pleroma's 1024 limit. if you wish to copy my shitpost you need an instance with custom character limits 
if i posted this on twitter i'd have to split it across six posts oof
i don't even use alpine lmao
@lynnesbian wow truly a work of literature for the ages i gotta say
@lynnesbian this is something beautiful
srsly they had the GNU+linux conversation on work slack :/
@lynnesbian if you posted it to tumblr it would get you banned for inappropriate content
"I'm sorry, this mentions 'women' 'splaying' 'ing'? obvious porn"
@lynnesbian ha, haha, look at me reusing your post for profit by boosting it
An action I can take even though my instance has a 512 limit
Foiled again lynne
O wait I don’t profit from boosting good posts, the creator does
Foiled again by lynne
@lynnesbian hey I wonder if I can post planepacked...
@lynnesbian Post it as an image 🤡
@marsxyz is it? i thought the default was 1024, a lot of instances have it set to that
@lynnesbian Or a screenshot...
@lynnesbian I'm half-tempted to break license
@lynnesbian I am happy that shitpost licensing is a thing
licenses that are shitposts are next
@lynnesbian Wait, do I have to paste in a copy of the license? Because that doesn't leave a lot of room for shit.
i license this shitpost as CC4-BY-NC-SA. you cannot use it to profit from or in any commercial work, you must attribute me if it is used by you, and other shitposts using it must adhere to the same license
@lynnesbian go off queen
Actually, what you're referring to as gnu+Linux is more accurately described as GNU/Gnu+Linux or, as ive recently taken to calling it, Gnu + Gnu + Linux; you see,,,,,,,,,,,
@foggy @lynnesbian N*(GNU) + linux
GN^2U + linux
@foggy @lynnesbian oh great, with the buffalo and now the gnus, the recursive ruminants are resurgent
@lynnesbian this is the plot of an Asimov novel?
@lynnesbian Alpine doesn't have any GNU utils?! I knew it used muscl, but it doesn't use the GNU file-utils?
@lynnesbian Can't the kernel be built with clang now?
@lynnesbian I feel like this story just works with anyone vs Stallman (or RMS-believer). I'm getting tired of the entire man/woman-splaining thing. There are know-it-alls who talk down to everyone around them, and it doesn't really matter if they're a woman or a man. Talking down to people is shitty.
I mean I know it's just a story/satire/joke and I shouldn't care, but I dunno ... term still doesn't sit right with me .. but hey, I learned something about Alpine ^_^
@lynnesbian gosh im gay
@lynnesbian Richard Stallman deliberately named his system something dumb as a joke about how dumb it sounded, and then got all mad when people didn't want to use his dumb name. Friggin' foresight, dude...
well to be fair a lot of stuff that was named goofy shit has caught on over the years, so I think he was incensed he lost the goofy name for a thing lottery
@lynnesbian Fuckin SMASHIN that boost button
@lynnesbian lynne this is fucking incredible
@007 my best work is always the stuff it pains me to write
@lynnesbian I wish I could’ve seen that tbh
@lynnesbian And the girl's name was Albert Einstein!
@rick_777 @lynnesbian it’s true I was the desk chair
@lynnesbian I would pay pay-per-view boxing money to see this happen IRL.
And all I keep thinking. GNU... Passed on, not logged, and turned around at the end?
Who brought up Terry Pratchett?
@lynnesbian I need to put on some weight so I can tattoo this post on my ass
@lynnesbian *wipes away a single tear* this… is… beautiful.
@lynnesbian this is it, the best toot of 2019
@lynnesbian Windows 3.1/Linux
@lynnesbian 😂 👍 very good.
ehm.. ma'am...
what's the license of your kernel?
I can't recall it, really...
🤣
(great write up, but... 😉)
@lynnesbian ok this is the best one yet
@lynnesbian I want a signed copy of this for my wall.
@lynnesbian just saw this and holy shit
@benaiah yeah that's the general consensus
i license this shitpost as CC4-BY-NC-SA. you cannot use it to profit from or in any commercial work, you must attribute me if it is used by you, and other shitposts using it must adhere to the same license